Mission: To Annoy
by strawberri mochi
Summary: Quatre may be a mastermind at strategic planning but no one is better than Shinigami at annoying Gundam pilots. And what is the Peacecraft Peace Malpractice? Relena-bashing and hinted 1x2 and 3x4.
1. Mission: To Annoy

"Isn't there anything to do in this life besides missions and reports?"

Duo Maxwell sighed as he fell backwards onto his bed. Amethyst eyes peeked from under chestnut bangs and glimpsed a grandiose view of the outside world through his window. Birds flew by and stillness of the house made the gregarious boy restless. Heero was on his laptop as usual. One of Quatre's 50 nieces was sick, so he was taking the child to the doctor's. Trowa was in his room practicing for his upcoming play or circus performance while Wufei was at a local temple saying something about needing tranquility that cannot be retrieved with a braided baka in the house.

Suddenly, the said boy sat back up. No, his happiness was never hampered by his roommates' lack of attention to him, and he never heeded their orders for him to be quiet.

_No way am I going to sit back in silence after five years of guileful scheming of mission strategies_, he thought.

Then again, Quatre did most of the planning for their missions. He was the one who picked the locks or took care of minor details to make the mission a success. Duo's mind was then illuminated by ideas for annoying the rest of the occupants of the house, and a smirk appeared on his lips. Quatre may be a mastermind at strategic planning but no one is better than Shinigami at annoying Gundam pilots.

**Mission: To Annoy**

**Mission Status: In Progress**


	2. Annoying Heero

**A/N: This was actually a school assignment in which I had to write a story using a list of vocabulary words. Hope you like! Please R&R! Oh and I don't own anything ToT**

**Mission: Making Heero Say More Than Three Words**

Duo tiptoed outside of Heero's door and listened to the non-stop clattering of computer keys. He could see the back of the heterogeneous Heero typing away his report to Lady Une.

_Hm…_the braided boy pondered for a moment for Heero was the hardest one to annoy. Seeing how Heero had no experience with children, Duo reasoned that he would probably be baffled if one walked right through his door. Despite his hatred for being treated like a child, the braided man finally decided to take action. 

_Oh well, once I make him say more than three words, I might even be able to hear that creepy laugh_, Duo's twisted mind shouted with glee. The American took a deep breath and burst through the door.

"Hi Heero! Whatchadoing?LookslikeareportforUne!AndI'mboredwithmyworkand !Don'tyoujustmissme?Oh,''olpalentertainedhere?Oh,?"

Heero's fingers hovered above the keyboard for a few seconds as his face looked into Duo's beaming one as if trying to comprehend what the braided boy had just spurted.

"Hn," was his only reply and the typing resumed.

"Hey, Heero, do you know how to play tennis? I've wanted to learn for a while. The others won't teach me." Duo did his best to put on a childish pout."

"Access denied," was the computerized response when Heero's finger slipped just a bit seeing the pout.

"Haha, I guess you aren't as good with computers as you look! That's horrible to spend half your life on it and you can't even type up a report without clicking the wrong button? I bet you even I can type one up with less mistakes than you!"

Silence.

"Hn."

"Hee-chan, did I ever tell you that you are the most antisocial guy that I've ever met? I mean even a dumb child makes more gular sounds than you and you actually have a voice! Trust me. If you met some stranger on the street, they would start to use sign language just to talk to you."

Duo smirked as he saw Heero's normally apathetic expression turn to anger.

Mission in progress.

When Heero is disturbed, he talks.

"Look, Duo. I have a report for Une due in an hour so leave me alone and get out. Go play with your invisible friend or something."

With that, Heero shoved a box of crayons into his friend's hands and pushed him out of his room.

"Do you know how to play Bejewled? Let me teach you! My high score is---"

As soon as Duo was outside of his door, Heero slammed it shut and continued his work as the top hierarchy of team control during missions.

**Mission Status: Complete, but could be better**

**A/N: So what do you guys think? Any suggestions for improvement?**


	3. Annoying Trowa

**Mission: Just To Annoy Him**

Trowa's voice drifted into Duo's ears as Duo sauntered towards Trowa's room.

"But, Father, we have yet to pay homage…"the gentle voice began before Duo's honed.

"But I need to pee."

Trowa's eyes scanned his script book. Nope, these lines definitely weren't a part of the play. Assuming that he was going nuts after three hours of reciting, he decided to skip a few pages and tried again in the middle of a random page.

"Father, I'm so hungry…" Trowa's confidence faltered as he heard a "but I need to pee" slip out.

_Oh my_, Trowa thought to himself. Maybe _I am really going crazy. I utter words that I do not even realize… They aren't even germane to my script. One more try before I panic._

Trowa turned a few more pages and gathered his courage. Laying down his goad prop, he stood on his bed. Maybe this would make him focus more, this "being on top of the world" thing that everyone seemed to talk about.

"Father, this type of defense will take ages to complete," the boy lamented the hyperbole dramatically.

"But I need to pee."

Okay time to panic. The boy hastily closed the script book and leaped off the bed. As he did, articles of clothing fell onto the normally immaculate carpet. Time to go do something else.

Trowa opened the door and found himself looking down at Duo's mirthful face.

"Going for a walk, eh Trowa?"

The boy nodded solemnly. His head looked a bit small on his hardy body.

_Duo of all people mustn't know about this or Project Peacecraft Peace Malpractice would be relaunched_, Trowa thought to himself.

"Um Trowa, you know we have bathrooms in the house to pee, right?"

At this point, Trowa's head snapped up suddenly reminded of his gratuitous ignominy from messing up his lines after having practiced for months for an upcoming performance.

_What a strange boy, that Duo is, talking about bathrooms so randomly._ In the past, the Gundam boys only mentioned the idea of a WC if they needed to hide some bodies of OZ soldiers. _I mustn't let him know._

Again, Trowa merely nodded. Duo's face lit up again.

"And did you know that the chemical symbol for water is H2O? That means that for every two atoms of water is one atom of oxygen."

Trowa nodded. He remembered learning about this in chemistry a few years ago.

"And did you know that one smart student embarrassed his teachers by asking them to sign a petition banning dihydrogen oxide saying that it was dangerous and stuff and that the teachers signed it because they didn't know that H2O is actually water? Can you believe it that they have been drinking it all this time but never knew?"

The taller man nodded again and his bang bobbed up and down. Nothing that he hadn't heard of yet. Nothing important, as a matter of fact.

_Crap, I'm running out of facts_, the braided American with amethyst eyes said to himself. _Let's try a different approach._

"T-man, you are so gullible----"

At last, Trowa put two and two together.

"Duo…"Trowa's eye twitched and his voice suddenly sounded threatening.

"Hey, it was for your own good-----"

"You. Owe. Me. Big. Time."

"I mean you've been stressing out so much that you've been reciting lines in your dreams for crying out loud!"

This statement didn't seem to turn Trowa's frown upside down.

"Duo…."

In fact, it looked even more threatening.

Noticing the anger in his friend's eyes, Duo stepped back.

"O-ok. Whatever you say, man."

The boy with chestnut hair continued stepping back until he made contact with the wall.

"Hey, T-man, look over there. Bathroom! Hehe…"

Duo made a feeble attempt to escape as green eyes as fatal as Heero's brown ones glared down at him.

"I'll do anything for you! Just don't tell anyone, k?"

The "anyone" part of the sentence was mostly aimed at Heero. The last time Duo had done something foolish and told the rest of his teammates had Heero laughing out loud. Literally. The sound had been so foreign and so unexpected from the Perfect Soldier that the entire house was left in eerie silence for a week. Even Duo had never laughed that much thinking about Relena and her desperate attempts to get Pilot 01 to act out scenes from Whitney Houston's _The Bodyguard _with her_._ After Duo's said mistake, the rest of the pilots vowed not to talk about the incident again, citing claims of Peaceraft Peace Malpractices to Lady Une.

"Ok…." Trowa's voice brought Duo's attention back from replaying the horrible image of Heero laughing. But the green eyes didn't avert their gaze. Or rather the visible green one. Who knew what the invisible one did behind that huge bang. Maybe it wasn't even green. Maybe it changed colors. Maybe….Duo's thoughts trailed off as the other man started reaching into his pocket.

_Not good!_ Duo's mind screamed. Clowns usually either have whips or throwing knives in their pockets. If this guy in front of him could easily toss a knife to the center of a target 100 feet away, being this close only spelled out bloodbath or death. Also, the rigorous close combat training provided to each pilot before their first missions did nothing to soothe the American's nerves.

"I'll buy you a month's supply of chocolate gratis for you! Bye!"

The boy ran off, braid slapping his back, just as Heero came out of his room. Heero and Trowa smirked at each other. It seemed that their roommate Duo had finally learned that it's always the silent ones that you need to watch out for.

**Mission Status: Mission accomplished.  
**

"Yuy, pay up."

"What for?"

"You lost the bet."

"What bet?"

"Don't act clueless. You said that that there's no way that candy-loving Duo would ever buy chocolates for anyone other than his lover."

"I didn't lose the bet. Maybe he likes you."

Shudder.

"No way, Quatre is all I need. Now, pay up."

* * *

Somewhere in a clinic, Quatre sneezed.

"Uncle, are you sick? Maybe you should see the doctor too," a blonde-haired niece asked. Quatre smiled and shook his head.

* * *

Grumble. Slap.

"Fine, here you go."

"Yuy, we agreed on $100. Where's the other $50?"

"You said $50."

"No, it as $100, as stated in this contract."

Rustle, rustle.

"Of course you could pay $50. But I'm not sure if Wufei would appreciate the knowledge that there are two guys who like our own roommates in this house."

Evil smile.

Glare.

"Fine. $100. Keep it. And keep your mouth shut."

When Heero is disturbed, he talks.

Trowa smirked. Even the Perfect Soldier has his weaknesses.


End file.
